Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Being Real...

A lot of times, people read teacher blogs (I'm totally guilty of this) and it seems all puppies and rainbows in the world of teaching... like everything is just wonderful..and you think, "Why in the world didn't I think of that?" or "Why can't I control my class like that?" or "So jealous of him/her..." They seem like they've got this teaching thing all figured out, and you wish you could be more like them...

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Well I'm here to be a little real with you.. (sorry if I'm long winded today) I promise you, even though it may seem like it....It's not ALL puppies and rainbows for us bloggers anymore than it is for you! 

I don't have many followers and I'm not sure if anyone's noticed but I really haven't posted much of anything this past school year - Want to know why?

Because this was the most incredibly challenging, trying, exhausting year EVER - (In my entire 3 years that's sooo many, right? :))  

Without saying too much, this group had A LOT of energy, many struggled to get along, they argued about anything and everything - (I mean really....The sky is Carolina Blue! NO, it's just blue! NO! YES! NO! NO!! MS G!!! ugh) .  I had students who showed their feelings in ways I've never had to deal with in my classroom before. Students who said they hated me. Students who couldn't control their impulsiveness no matter what I did to help them. Students who I thought I was failing.  Students that I spent less time with than others because I had serious behavior issues to deal with. Students that I wish I could have helped grown more but didn't because I struggled to keep up.  There were so many days that I felt like just giving up - thought that this wasn't for me (3 year burnout anyone?). I felt like I was sinking...drowning with an anchor strapped to my ankle. I felt like a horrible teacher and felt bad for my students, no matter how many times parents, teachers, admin, my students told me how wonderful I was, I just didn't believe them.  Now, this does not mean that I tried less - I still put my whole heart into everything I did - it just felt like everything I did was a failure.  But no matter how hard things got, I never gave up (And I have so many people to thank for that!).

I'm so glad I didn't.  Because by the end of the year, even though it was still difficult, I could see that so many of my efforts were beginning to pay off.  Arguments grew in fairly smaller numbers. Impulsive students were finding ways to be in control of themselves. We had fewer angry outbursts that ruined entire days. Those students who refused to even look at eachother could sit in closer proximity with fewer issues.  Students who came to me as shy, timid writers, grew into fluent, vivacious writers that took risks.  Students who would sit and watch us dancing like crazy people to KooKooKangaroo were up dancing and laughing with us.  That student that started at a reading level H? She grew to an N! And that student that said he hated me? That one came up to me and said "Ms. G, I hope I get you next year for third grade."

If that doesn't tell you why we do what we do...Honestly, I'm not sure what does.  While this year was far from perfect - I learned so many valuable things to take to my future classrooms, and I know there are so many teachers that have been in similar situations.

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Teaching is hard.  Some years are harder than others - but no matter what, we are ALL important. We  ALL make a difference.  We ALL change lives. We ALL matter.  Blogger or not.

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